Parenting|Women

Is There Such a Thing as Intimacy, Connection & Desire after Kids?

I attended the June Mama Meetup which was held at the very luxurious and exclusive Saxon Hotel, Villas and Spa. The theme for the meet-up focused on intimacy, connection and desire after kids. The Saxon was the perfect setting, supported by its incredible food and drinks, it set the tone for the night ahead.

Relationships, like most things in life occur in phases and don’t we all absolutely love the initial phase of a relationship. The butterflies, excitement and sheer spontaneity which results in moments of euphoria and incredible chemistry.

Then at some stage (planned or unplanned) kids are thrown into the mix and things change. The added responsibility of looking after our little ones, 24/7 plays a dramatic role in intimacy, connection and desire levels. For most men, having children doesn’t diminish their sex drive, it is however the contrary for many women. Time is also a vital factor which sees us prioritise everything else ahead of ourselves and our relationships.

Totally Me – Intimacy & Relationship Coach

Tracy Ziman Jacobs, intimacy and relationship coach was the guest speaker at the June meet-up and according to her, what sounds a bit like a bit of a fallacy, is actually attainable. You will however need to put in the effort and work.

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Everyone has a beautiful erotic side to themselves” – Tracey Ziman Jacobs

Tracey is a therapeutic counsellor who works as a specialised intimacy and relationship coach within her consultancy, Totally Me which is based in Bryanston.

She spoke passionately about wanting to help couples and individuals who wish to go beyond their current intimacy level and rekindle the passion they once had for each other and for themselves. Tracy Ziman Jacobs shared part of her life story. “When I got married, I thought I’d never get divorced,” says Tracy. “It came as a bit of a shock and after my divorce, I was cynical about marriage,” she admits. But she recognised the hope we as human beings attach to marriage. “It’s the romance that brings us together and after all, people are still getting married,” she muses.

As a mother herself, Tracy understands that there needs to be a balance between parenting and marriage. The interactive session saw us chat to Tracey about our wants, needs and frustrations as mothers in the 21st century.

Whether you’re a parent or not, Tracy’s counselling work is about rekindling romance for a renewed intimate relationship. “You’ve just got to do it to understand it,” says Tracy of her sessions. “In other words, do the work and then you’ll understand it.” She went on to explain that good sexual health is also great for creativity and for our bodies, as it boosts circulation as well as oxytocin and serotonin. The bottom line is that connecting with your partner and being in a good space is wonderful for everyone all round.”

My 5 Ways to Increase Intimacy in your Relationships

  1. Love yourself – to truly love another, we need to first learn to love ourselves.
  2. Speak your partner’s love language – communication is indeed the foundation of all great relationships.
  3. Kindness doesn’t cost a thing – Regular kind gestures will have a lasting impacting on a relationship
  4. Go to bed together– Our fast pace lives often have us living past each other. Try and limit that as far as possible
  5. Put the phone down – cellphone have become such an intrusion and obsession in our lives, that we really need to learn to just put our phones aside and connect with people face to face.
  6. Date night is non-negotiable. – It’s okay to take time away from your kids. In fact its vital and help couples to reconnect. So whether is a day, night, weekend away or even just an over to grab a coffee together in a moment of sanity, do it.
  7. Set boundaries with your kids – Kids need to respect that aside from being parents, you are also husbands and wives.
  8. Date each other again – recreate the initial chemistry and excitement.
  9. Spice things up – No further explanation needed
  10. Seek professional help – If you relationship is in a downward spiral, don’t just leave. Seek out professional help

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Irrespective of your relationship status, a renewed intimate relationship is a step in the right direction. Tracey explained that the benefits are numerous: “When you’re in synergy with the one you love, you are in a good space and you will find that you’ll sleep better, work better, have more patience with your children and be far more productive. Good sexual health is also great for creativity and for our bodies; it boosts circulation as well as oxytocin and serotonin.

So leave a comment if you have found a way to keep the romance in your relationship alive and kicking.