An average Friday in my life recently went like this …
But first … turn back the clock two days prior. My weekly dance fitness workout had me gasping for breath while I clenched my chest. No idea why I was experiencing such pain but it was very out of the ordinary and needless to say that workout pretty much sucked ass. I went home, had dinner and attempted a bit of blogging but the pain was rather intense so I called it a night.
I woke up the next morning in pain, but it was more intense. Off to work I went but scheduled an appointment with my GP. Big mistake on my part because I should have just went straight to the ER. He drew bloods and I returned to work eagerly awaiting my results. Doc was checking for a possible heart attack or blood clots.
I only got the results on Friday morning and everything was clear. So why the hell was I in such excruciating pain. I wasn’t convinced or happy with the diagnosis so I went for a second opinion. Listening to my body and all that. The girl is learning, so lets take a moment to celebrate the small victories.
More blood tests ensued. I was put on a treadmill to try to induce the chest pains. Yeah, you heard right. Like I wasn’t in enough pain, they wanted to trigger the chest pains further. Wait for it … this is actually called a STRESS ECG. I had arrived in a mini dress and cowboy boots, definitely not dressed for the occasion if you ask me. So dressed in opaque stockings, cowboy boots, bra-less and in a hospital gown I hopped onto the treadmill. Lemme tell you what, the quickest way to lose your dignity is to get sick and have to undergo medical procedures. There I was walking on a treadmill with my saggy boobs exposed and wires attached to me. Thank the good Lord I only survived two minutes on the treadmill before the pain pushed up from my chest into my throat. The thought of my boobs flopping around uncontrollably was just too much to bare.
Cheers goodbye – it was a hospital admission for me, so a cardiologist could have a bash. He wasted no time and ran more blood tests and an ECG. Doctor arrived with this Rolls Royce of a computer system that checks out your heart. OMG, the sonar of my heart was epic. I never seen my heart beat like that. It was strong, powerful and honestly …… beautiful to watch. I got a bit emo about it. Probably because we take the non-stop functioning of our hearts for granted. Then Doc did a sonar on my neck to check for fatty deposits which is an indication of high cholesterol. Great news, that was all clear.
Doc mentioned that my symptoms were significant and he was concerned. So he wanted to check for possible clots on my lungs. Quick wheelchair ride to have my
lunch lungs looked at (I’m starving as I write this while I wait for the food trolley to arrive). Upon arrival I had to strip again and hop onto the bed so that they could prep me. I had to listen to the nurses standing on either side discussing how to get the needle into my arm. At that point I had lost all confidence in them and wished they would just shut the hell up and pretend they knew what they were doing. Surprise, surprise … the needle was in but it was a FUCK UP. Let’s try your other arm they said. More discussions took place and at that point I asked for the doc. Well, Dr Cool walks in, takes my arm, jabs the needle in and Bob’s your Uncle. It was like a military sneak attack with no warning but the needle was in. My body didn’t agree with the contrast and I ended up vomiting just as we finished. Not glamorous at all but hey that’s life.
Now before I continue, here’s a serious question for you? What is it about hospitals and medication, that turns a normally calm and poised woman into a bloody fart factory. Lemme just say I was ever so grateful to have a room all to myself.
Anyways, all my results were back and my results were amazing. I’m a healthy, fit woman in a body that refuses to fail me. My lifestyle change has paid off and all these tests confirmed that, but I still had pain and no answers.
So it was time for an angiogram. They basically make an incision in your groin area then work through there to check on your heart. Firstly, the nurse asked if I had shaved my GROIN SIDES. WTF!!! What is a groin side?? I still don’t know. Thank goodness for neatly maintained pubes because that archaic shaver would have been a disaster. I was awake for the procedure and watched the screens as the Cardiologists worked from the tiny opening on my “groin side” all the way up to my heart. It looked like a bloody alien moving in my body. Very freaking weird if you ask me. I could see them inject the dye into my body and how it lit up my arteries. I even felt it touch my heart (like literally). It was truly amazing to watch and experience. The Cardiologists said my heart was beautiful and perfect. I’m gonna take that literally and figuratively. My arteries are fantastic with perfect flow and no signs of blockages.
After a battery of tests, all the dangerous possibilities have been ruled out. Another stress test will take place in a week. Let’s just mess with me before another weekend and induce some pain in my life, why don’t we. The likelihood that its hernia or stress is becoming more and more evident. In the mean time NO EXERCISE and NO ALCOHOL.
How ironic that I was discharged on World Health Day with a clean bill of health (but no explanantion to my pain). Fun times ahead I tell you!