Last week Thursday at this time I was sitting at the Randburg Magistrates Court freezing my butt having just been handed the final decree of my divorce. Yip you heard right, I got divorced again. I suppose right about now is where a lot of judgement is about to kick in, but for those ready to pass judgement, I strongly suggest you save your energy and time.
The first time I got divorced I worried so much about what everyone else thought and had to say that I ended making myself confused and utterly miserable. My religion and my kids were the two things repeated thrown in my face. This time I couldn’t give a shit to be rather honest. This time around I’m handling things differently. Leading up to the divorce we didn’t tell any family and I chose to only tell a select few friends that I wholeheartedly trust. It made the process (though exceptionally difficult) easier on all of us. I have also been going for weekly therapy sessions to make sure that this was not merely an emotional decision. One last thing was breaking the news to the kids with the help of Ash’s doctors.
I’m constantly preaching about living your best life and stepping away from things that no longer bring positivity into your life. Staying would have been the damn easy option especially seeing as there are no issues of abuse or adultery, but staying would have also made me a complete and utter hypocrite. This was in no way an easy decision. Divorce is one of those situations were there are no winners. There was no celebration, or sigh of relief or divorce party (like what’s that about anyway?). We are all extremely sad and will need time to properly deal and come to terms with this. Divorce is an emotional roller-coaster that turns your life upside down, but getting divorced with confidence after carefully weighing the pros and cons is key.
A reason, a season or a lifetime
We were together for 10 years and in truth that’s a lifetime. When I reflect I can honestly say that the first 5 years were the most incredible years of my life. I never felt so appreciated, cared for, loved and valued. We had something incredibly special, but marriage changes people and it changed our relationship. Signing that piece of paper made all the difference. I honestly regret taking that step. If only we could go back and do things differently. The saying that “people come into over lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime” holds an incredible amount of truth. In this case it was a season and for the most part it was a beautiful season. I’m going to choose to focus on the positives of this season. You are probably thinking that it’s so weird that I used our wedding photos for a post about getting divorced again, but these photos encapsulate the best part of our journey together. I’m grateful to Clifford for the good times, the funny moments, beautiful memories, for accepting my kids, for accepting me for who I am and for so much more.
No Gory Details #SorryNotSorry
I won’t be going into the gory details of why we got divorced. #SorryNotSorry but all the finer details of why we got divorced doesn’t have anything to do with anyone else. I don’t hate my ex-husband and I only wish the very best for him and his life going forward. You will still see us together occasionally. The divorce was between us but has nothing to do with my kids, so he is still very much part of Ashton and Skylar’s lives. In fact we have a family weekend getaway over the upcoming long weekend. Getting divorced isn’t always about anger and hatred, sometimes things just don’t work and it’s as simple as that.
Please respect our privacy
As we move forward and try to pick up the pieces so as to restore some normalcy to our lives, we would really appreciate it if you would respect our privacy. Yes, I did choose to share this very private part of our lives with you, but as someone who’s constantly in the public eye with a blog that’s based heavily on the values of honesty and truth, I couldn’t keep this from you. Consider this post an official statement and know that I will not be responding to any comments or direct messages asking for the gory details of our divorce. Thank you in advance for your consideration, support and understanding.